Dear tumblr,
I’m feeling alone and doing nothing. It’s cold. I opened my twitter profile and read my old tweets one by one. Remembering every moment when I’ve tweet them. Precious moments, right? I close my eyes and try to remembering more specific. 5minutes, 10minutes, 30minutes, an hour, 2 hours left. I’m back from the past to reality. I hide from everyone, waste my time to be alone and really close myself to anyone else. Maybe my parent are not worrying about me like before, stay at home, not angry when they didn’t let me to go out with my friends, not spend a lot of money for clothes anymore, go home soon, want to join extra lessons, and one thing they don’t worry about. A boy, in my dad’s eyes there wasn’t a good boy in the world and he doesn’t want to hear me talk about a boy. In this condition, dad, you win. They have no worried about me. They give me everything I want, facilities I need, stuffs, and much more I don’t realize. For myself, it was a big trouble. No, not about boys or things or them but me. With this condition, think I’m really fine… I’m not. I’ve realized. The other side of me turns bad, I don’t want to talk what I did but I say it changes. Losing him is hurt, losing my friends is damn hurt, but hurt myself is stupid. I did stupid things till I watched tv, it told you how danger things I did. I felt dumb and threw it away. I’m so glad bbc knowledge can open my mind. I close my eyes and wondering… My friends, I miss them but I don’t know if they miss me or not. They made me cry several days ago but it’s okay. I just miss you all girls, is it wrong? It’s not easy for me to get friends as you do. I’m easily to get hurt if you forget me. Am I selfish? I’m so sorry but I just want to be with you all. Open my eyes, so much time I waste to think about my parent, my friends and myself. Someone cross on my mind. Yeah, him. I realize, I haven’t to move on. It’s useless actually. I feel nothing at all about him. I refuse to talk to him, when it was forced situation I avoid to look at his eyes. We cold to each other just prove it. Our ways are different now. Funny, suddenly I remember when hiking. My feet was hurt, you accompanied me and warn me to step on the flat rocks. It was sweet, believe or not I’m smiling right now. Oh my God, I never grateful I have you. I lost someone I love, I do love you in the first time you borrowed my notebook I still remember. Stupid, pride wins for everything, regret comes in the end. Now I don’t want to begging you come back to me. More stupid than winning my pride. I’m glad to know you, even be your girlfriend almost 6months. Still hurt but I swear someday I’ll be alright. Open my eyes, my bread fell down. I often fell something down recently. What the hell is going on with my hands? Then back to wondering, I close my eyes. Hey, is it you? I take my way to over with you. But you came to my mind. Hey, how are you? I read some tweets about you. To be honest, I miss you. I’m too much act like I’m careless. I found my tweet. It convinces me to take my own way I’m over with you. You said, “I’m afraid it doesn’t work and I thought I can’t get you”. It should be me say what you said. Yeah maybe you’re right. It doesn’t work, and I can’t get you. Thanks for everything!!!! Thanks for always there when I’m crying. Thanks for your supports. Thanks for accompany me all night, skype-ing, playing BINGO! let me win, although you little annoying when force me to vidcam but it’s alright. Thanks I burned you with all my problems. Thanks for accompany me looking for my mom mother’s day present even you haven’t eat we walked around searching something for my mom’s gift. Thanks for remembering me when you were in hongkong and bought me a doll. It was so sweet! Thanks to accompany me when riding bicycle, and always let me in front of you but we were together at Sudirman street. Thanks for looking for me when my phone was dead. And the last, thanks for the time you wasted with me! I’m glad to know you. I open my eyes. I’m feeling better right now. I’m searching for quotes and I got one.

“That’s the thing about stupid decisions - we all make them, but time is funny and sometimes a little magical. It can take a stupid decision, and turn it into something else entirely” -How I Met Your Mother